Women are weaned to be self-critical.  We learn to pick out and pick apart our own faults at the same time we learn to walk, feed and dress ourselves.  We don’t need to be told when something is wrong with us because nine times out of ten we already suspected it, secretly.  Lest we get too full of ourselves, never fear, seconds after self #1 takes a twirl in the mirror thinking we look great or pats ourselves on the back thinking we’ve done a wonderful job, self #2 will come along and immediately whisper in our ear “you don’t look that good” or “Suzy Q would have done it better”.

So, finding my own path to become a better person, spiritually, mentally and physically, I can only wonder what effect my highly-advanced ability to cut myself down to size has on my personal growth.   I’ve heard from my Christian friends that humility is a virtue.  So on one hand, it could be said that most adult women have that particular virtue down cold .  But, isn’t it a sin to undervalue the gifts and blessings you’ve been given?  So at what point does undervaluation stop being a virtue and start being a sin?

Be Kind to Yourself

It’s a numbers game.  Women are guaranteed to get a daily dose of knock-down from friends, family and strangers giving stink-eye on the street.  But if we are never guaranteed the “you’re a wonderful person!”-part, we are seriously out of balance.  Sure, we can suck it up like pros and be the masochistic martyrs we were trained to be.  Or, we can be kind to ourselves.  And just in case you don’t know what that looks like, here are a few baby steps to get you started:

• Twirl in the mirror, smile and tell yourself resolutely “no one could possibly look better in this dress than me!”

• Finish your project, turn it in and tell yourself resolutely “that sucker is the best proposal I have ever done!”

• Spend thirty minutes on the treadmill, look at your quivering thighs and say “you are so much stronger than you were 30 minutes ago!”

And then, don’t allow self #2 any play.  No ifs, ands or buts.  No delayed followed up.   Put a piece of tape over self #2’s mouth and don’t let her say a mumbling word.  It’s not positive affirmation (projecting what you want to be), it’s truth (declaring what is a fact to you at that precise moment). Will a lightning bolt strike you down and the world come to an end? Or will you be a happier, more pleasant person to be around because you allowed a kindness to yourself?

In closing, I don’t have the answer as to which end of the spectrum is better or worse, I only know that if you frequently end your day feeling worse than you started, maybe you’re not being kind enough to yourself.  Create some ways to try it and if in doubt, or you just can’t wrap your head around what being non-self-critical looks like, just spend a day watching the men in your life – they’ll show you how it’s done.

Try it.  Find out what happens.  Let me know.